MEER CAMPBELL: The Maintenance Manual and Guide
by iBroken
Summary: Have your own MEER CAMPBELL? Read this manual to learn how to properly use her!


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**MEER CAMPBELL: The Owners Guide and Maintenance Manuel**

Sincerest congratulations! You have now become the proud owner of your over-preppy, too busty MEER CAMPBELL. In order to assure that your unit lives its full potential (which isn't too long), we suggest you read this manual.

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**Basic Information**

Name: Meer Campbell

Alias: Lacus Clyne, Copy, etc.

Manufacturing Date: DISCLOSED

Place of Manufacturing: PLANTs

Genetic Type: Coordinator

Height: DISCLOSED

Weight: DISCLOSED as well, but she's quite heavy.

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**Your MEER CAMPBELL unit will come with the following accessories:**

(1) Standard issue new-type purple and white dress with yellow star head microphone.

(1) Set of wool civilian clothes.

(1) Red Haro machine.

Please take note that your MEER CAMPBELL is not equipped with a PINK ZAKU. The PINK ZAKU is only available once MEER CAMPBELL does a concert on Earth. Red Haro's are the only HARO'S available to MEER CAMPBELL.

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**Programming:**

Your MEER CAMPBELL is a coordinator, and even if she is a bit too flashy and sometimes appears to be a bit too clingy, she has many operational modes.

**Girlfriend: **Got your eyes set on that one popular girl that won't seem to like you no matter what you do? Want to make her like you using something other than your overly naive personality or your ability to kill your best friend? MEER CAMPBELL is the perfect girlfriend to make your soon-to-be girlfriend jealous! Have her walk around with you all day, occasionally ignore her, and have her sneak into your room and lie down beside you; in no time at all, that girl you've wanted will be in your arms! Note of caution: MEER may grow attached to you and get angry at anyone who comes near you.

**Fangirl: **Ever wanted to know how Justin Timberlake feels when girls hoard around him? Well, here's your chance! MEER CAMPBELL is a full fledged Fangirl. With enough ignoring, she'll stalk you, take photos of you in the bathroom, she'll even sneak into bed with you! Then you'll finally have that Fangirl hoard you've always wanted with a certain pink haired copy at the lead of the line.

**Singer: **Though she tends to like upbeat songs, MEER CAMPBELL and her RED HARO are able to sing songs! Hire her out to a local club, or even get her an album and start out her career! You'll be overflowed in cash from her songs! As an added bonus, you'll even charm LACUS CLYNE fanboys into liking MEER because of her more showy outfits!

**Guard Dog: **Because of her insane anger, MEER CAMPBELL is able to be a guard dog. Always wanted to get rid of that annoying stalker? Just tell her that one of those men are MEYRIN HAWKE, LUNAMARIA HAWK, or even SHINN ASUKA and she'll chase them off in no time!

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**Your FLAY ALLSTER has (4) different settings:**

LACUS CLYNE Wannabe (default)

Jealous

Angry (locked)

Compassionate and Caring (level 2 lock)

MEER CAMPBELL's many settings are very rarely unlocked. LACUS CLYNE Wannabe is her default setting and is normally displayed whenever she's infront of others. She'll act like LACUS CLYNE, attempting to replace her. Jealousy is shown when she is questioned of her ability to be LACUS CLYNE.

Compassionate and Caring is on a level 2 lock to prevent her from being killed. It is unlocked when she saves LACUS CLYNE. WARNING: This is irreversible.

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**Unit Interactions:**

**ATHRUN ZALA:** Under the impression that LACUS CLYNE is still engaged to ATHRUN ZALA, MEER CAMPBELL will flirt to him, and stick to him like glue to paper. Though ATHRUN ZALA unit is still attached to CAGALLI YULA ATTHA unit, this will get in their way. This, believe it or not, is MEER CAMPBELL's least compatible unit, as ATHRUN ZALA will dislike her for ruining LACUS CLYNE's image.

**LACUS CLYNE: **These two units may argue at first, MEER shouting she is the real LACUS CLYNE. However, in time, MEER CAMPBELL may save her (and in such case, the manufacturer is not responsible for any damages). It is suggested that they NEVER EVER do a concert together, there may be confusion as to who is the real LACUS CLYNE.

**GILBERT DURANDLE: **Interactions with this unit will cause brainwashing. He will aim to use MEER, and force her to create war. It is recommended that you remove any GILBERT DURANDLE units from the premises, or you may be forced to be part of his DESTINY PLAN©.

**KIRA YAMATO: **There hasn't been much experimentation with these two units, but altogether, they get along. Excluding, however, when MEER CAMPBELL attempts to justify that she is LACUS CLYNE, and provokes KIRA YAMATO to prove her wrong. It is recommended that they do not speak often, else the consequences are dire.

**SHINN ASUKA: **As is with every authoritative figure, SHINN ASUKA will attempt to pummel MEER CAMPBELL to the ground. It is suggested they do not interact.

**FLAY ALLSTER: **EXTREMELY UNSTABLE! DO NOT PUT THESE TWO UNITS TOGETHER OR IT MAY COST YOU MORE THAN JUST A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS!

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**Cleaning:**

Your MEER CAMPBELL unit will only be capable of taking care of herself if LACUS CLYNE unit cleans herself. Thus, give her lots of face lifts, makeup, and shower her twice daily (we are not liable for any marital dispute this may cause).

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**Energy:**

MEER CAMPBELL will only eat what LACUS CLYNE eats. That, in short, means vegetarian foods, with fancy-smancy stuff.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

Q: MEER CAMPBELL keeps stealing my LACUS CLYNE's PINK HARO™. What do I do?

A: Just take it back. LACUS CLYNE is understanding enough to wait, so just tell MEER CAMPBELL that LACUS CLYNE would give to the poor, even her HARO isn't as important to her. She'll hand it over so you can please LACUS CLYNE.

Q: I just recently introduced MEER CAMPBELL to my MEYRIN HAWKE. They're both fighting over my ATHRUN ZALA, whose really lost in my neighbours CAGALLI YULA ATTHA. What's wrong with them?

A: Simple. MEYRIN and MEER think they're the rightful lovers of ATHRUN ZALA. Naturally, your ATHRUN ZALA feels more attracted to CAGALLI YULA ATTHA. It might be best if you let your neighbour buy ATHRUN ZALA, so that he can be happy with CAGALL YULA ATTHA. If not, deal with it. MEER CAMPBELL's bound to break them apart.

Q: My MEER CAMPBELL's in love with a YUUNA ROMA SEIRAN.

A: ...

Q: I accidentally introduced my MEER CAMPBELL to my FLAY ALLSTER and my LACUS CLYNE. Now FLAY has no idea who is who, and MEER keeps thinking FLAY's out to get her, and that she's the real LACUS CLYNE. And my dear sweet LACUS CLYNE doesn't know what to do. How do I handle this situation? It's driving me insane!

A: This question was answered in your FLAY ALLSTER's manual, but in case you're like the thousands of other idiots who burn her manual because they think it's absolutely no help, we'll explain it again. Find an ATHRUN ZALA for MEER CAMPBELL, and find a KIRA YAMATO for LACUS CLYNE. If FLAY ALLSTER is still confused, knock her out with a hammer, knock MEER out with a hammer, and lock them both in separate rooms. No confrontation, no problems.

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**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: She's trying to sing Shizukana Yoruni but sings too fast. I want to hear LACUS' version.

Solution: You can't do anything about that. MEER CAMPBELL has her own views on how LACUS CLYNE would dress. Try showing a LACUS CLYNE to her and she might listen to you. If not, live with the C.E. 73 version of the song.

Problem: MEER CAMPBELL won't let me make her wear LACUS CLYNE's clothes.

Solution: She doesn't think LACUS CLYNE wore those. Show her a picture of LACUS in those clothes and she might just wear it.

Problem: My MEER CAMPBELL is kind of, weird. Her hair is kind of short, and she's trying to videotape my SHINN ASUKA and STELLAR LOUSSIER when they're alone. She's also kind of snotty.

Solution: That, my friend, is LUNAMARIA HAWKE. Just tap her on the shoulder and tell her STELLAR LOUSSIER just died, and that SHINN ASUKA is in her crate waiting for her. She'll go running in. Ship her back and we'll send the proper model.

Problem: My MEER CAMPBELL has been frizzing since she met my best friend's RAU LE CREUSET. What's wrong with her?

Answer: GET HER THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM! THAT UNIT IS EXTREMELY UNSTABLE AND WILL DRIVE MEER INSANE WITH HIS PRESENCE! IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T GO NEAR ANY OF YOU!

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With avoidance of any kindness, your MEER CAMPBELL should live to see the middle of SEED DESTINY, and hopefully will die. Though we don't know why you'd buy this model, despite knowing it's a rip-off of LACUS CLYNE models, you'll hopefully have it long enough to not want a refund.


End file.
